Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Where's Browndy?

I'm not so sure what's about to come out of this blog but I feel like it's time to update my internet diary. Living in Montana isn't the dream I thought it would be when I moved here. I keep myself busy working 3-4 times a week at a Childcare place called Cuddle Bugs where I wipe snot, change diapers, sing silly songs, and tell kiddos "no" a hundred times a day. Most of my shifts start at 6:45 AM which isn't my favorite time of the day anyways. Then, I work Saturday and Sundays here at the Center of Teen Challenge with the girls. I live with 20 women and usually get up once a week or so in the middle of the night to get someone meds. I watch Auburn football at a bar or in my room all by myself. Actually, due to the lack of community I have, I do most things by myself. Don't get me wrong, I love most of it here. It's getting colder and the views are breathtaking. The children are precious and keep me laughing and going. The ladies here are like sisters and I love seeing them grow and being a part of what the Lord is speaking into their lives on a daily basis. It's just difficult to be somewhere by myself and having the only friends be here or on staff here. For instance, if I wanted to go hang out with one of my friends on staff, another staff would have to take the shift but we don't have that many staff so no one can ever get off together. Most of the evenings I sit in my room and am really lonely and bored because my girls are in their classes so I can't bother them. There is a 21 month old that lives here that has blessed me intently. She and I spend alot of time together playing!! :D

However, it's definitely the hardest thing I've committed to. Many nights are lonely and I question lots of truth. I think boredom is a weakness for me. When I was a child, that's when I would cut my own hair, call Wal Marts, or do something to terrorize my little sister. In high school it was when I would go out and get into things that were entertaining for the moment. Now, it leads to questioning the Lord and trying to figure out things on my own. One of the ways I feel like I'm dealing with it all is every time these moments come, I turn to the Lord in thankfulness. When I feel lonely, I think Him for how many incredible people He has placed in my life. I have so many wonderful friends that I surely don't deserve. I only know what I am missing here friendship-wise because I have experienced real friendships in my life. Not many people experience real Spirit-led friendships. I am so blessed to have know community in college and what community looks like when Jesus is the center of it. Yes, it hurts like crazy because I miss it all but it's beautiful what He has blessed me with. When I am bored, I am thankful for how many things I have gotten to do in my life;trips to Israel, Nicaragua, Mexico, Haiti, Hong Kong, and more that have been used to shape who I am. Sports that taught me so much about team work and loyalty and perseverance. When I feel like I am not equipped to be here I am thankful that I am still learning and He is giving me this opportunity to learn more. I read something today on a friend's blog that rocked my little world. It said:

He gives me grace for what IS, not what IF.
And if one of the what if's happened, then there'd be His supply for that need right then as well.

It's so true. I cannot write down how many what if's I have placed in my head the last few months. He gives me grace for today and promises me good out of every situation and circumstance that occurs. She also said, "He brings about NEW situations so that we can become NEW in character." This is my prayer from the beginning and I am clinging to it today. May I be more like Jesus after every season He takes me through. I am holding tight to this truth today and I hope it encourages others.

1 comment:

katie said...

BRANDY!!! i am so proud of you sweet girl. I love how honest you are and how you love so hard. You are an incredible woman of God and you are so obedient. Continue to know that you were made for such a time as this! i love you and i am praying for you.

love,
katie w.